Too complex to touch
by nav.love
Summary: “No, don’t say anything. I know you don’t love me the way I love you. And it hurts, you know… knowing that you could very well break me in any way possible and I would still be here, hoping that you would leave him and pick up my shattered pieces…
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hey everyone! I just wanted you to know that this is my first fan fiction using Fruits basket characters. Just to let you know. I don't own anything, I'm just hoping_

_wink_

_PS: I need a beta reader…blush_

**Complex to touch**

Do you ever get the feeling when you're missing something and you don't know what it is? I'm having this feeling right now. I don't know what I could be missing. I have great friends, nice family and gorgeous boyfriend.

I love Yuki with all my heart. I like the way he smiles, I like the way he treats me like a queen, I like the way he's never violent or loud, well except towards Kyo. I can't help the fact that they hate each other.

We started dating a month after Akito's death. I know everyone saw it coming, I guess I did too. I mean we were meant to be right? The way he was looking at me, the way he always protected me. We were meant to be, right?

It's been now…I don't know…three years since that day since he kissed me at our secret base.

I'm now twenty years old and I'm still living with the Sohma family. My life is great and I'm thankful for it.

Anyway it's Saturday and I need to check the laundry.

I enter Kyo's room. I haven't seen him for two and a half months. I still don't know why he went to college so far away, while he could stay here.

I always knew he was not the cleaning person, but this room is a mess.

I was picking up his clothes when my hand bumped into something. I picked up one of his black shirts and an old book was found.

I opened it and the first picture was picture of Yuki sleeping behind his study desk, the second one was me and Ayame fighting about dinner.

You see there was one time, a while ago when he decided not to eat meat so I needed to cook something else and he wouldn't tell me what…

I was amazed about details, how he remembered every detail every expression and every wrinkle. He was talented.

The more pages I turned around the more it started to get weird. They were all of me. Me cooking, me studying, me cleaning, me sleeping…

The last page was me and Yuki kissing. Our eyes were closed and I had one hand in his hair while the second one was around his waist. It was Valentines Day, last year.

But on the edge of the page was a sentence…_too complex to love_

"Having a good time?"

Shit, I look up and meet eyes with obviously pissed of Kyo. He just came out of bathroom, wearing nothing but baggy jeans.

Shriver runs through me as my eyes travel down his body. I like Yuki's perfectly lithe and pale body, without any harsh or noticeable muscles, but this…perfectly tanned and shaped, I wonder how it would feel…

"Are you done starring? I don't know how Yuki would feel, knowing his girlfriend spent quite some time drooling over poor Kyo"

"Well…I…I…was just cleaning house and I just thought, that since you just came home I could…"

"You can stop babbling now; it's just me you know. What are you having the…"

He looks at the sketch book I'm holding. It's noticeable that he's trying to breathe, but there doesn't seem to be enough air in here.

"Di…did…did you see what's in it?"

"Yes" I replied in a broken voice "I'm sorry Kyo…I didn't know…I really didn't know, if you just said anything back then, than maybe…"

"Maybe what Tohru? Would you feel sorry for me and give me one chance I would probably screw up, would you go running to Yuki, that Kyo still wants something from you, even after you saved him from Akito…"

"Why are you so cruel to me?" I started crying "Kyo I never wanted you to feel this way, I never wanted you to hurt…"

"Well you did! I think that makes one mistake in your life, doesn't it? You can't love everyone, can you? I never wanted anything from you!"

"And that's it, isn't it? No one wants anything from me, but me, isn't that right Kyo?"

He grabs my wrists roughly and pushes me on his bed. He stands as I sit and he looks at me like I'm something sacred or something so beautiful he's too afraid to touch again.

"Tohru…you know it was never meant to be this way. I knew our destiny, I mean I knew and I still do that you belong with Yuki. It just made me so angry, you know, when you two started going out. The way he smiled at you, expressions on his face when you did something silly…things like that. It was the fact that you were so happy with him that made me go away, hide, run… I always knew you would be never so happy with anyone else."

"Kyo…"

"No, don't say anything. I know you don't love me the way I love you. And it hurts, you know… knowing that you could very well break me in any way possible and I would still be here, hoping that you would leave him and pick up my shattered pieces…glue them together somehow."

I smiled, I never knew how he felt until know. I'm proud that I'm the one he has just open up to, even if I'm the one that's hurting him.

"Would you like to kiss me?"

"Wha…what are you talking about? I won't kiss you, do you want me dead or what. You know the rat would kil…

"Would you like to kiss me Kyo? It's just one kiss. We won't tell Yuki and it's the smallest thing I can do for you, accept it…like an apology."

I couldn't look at him. I just closed my eyes. His hands hold mine, snaking up my arms, tickling me, stroking me, dancing across my skin until I could feel myself flushing, and hear my heartbeats were shuddering in my ears.

Everywhere he touched me, I could feel my skin tingling, burning, even though his skin was cold. Like I'd wanted this for so long. I could barely breathe. He'd reached my shoulders now, and his fingers had slipped under my top, brushing my collarbones with his thumbs, moving up my neck, sliding his fingers into my hair, cupping my face, tilting it upwards. My heart thrumming wildly, every nerve in my body prickling, I opened my eyes just as his lips brushed mine.

For a moment, the world hung frozen. Between heartbeat and heartbeat we stared at each other, the air of the night and the dim, icy starlight glimmering in his eyes.

And then he bent his head back down and opened my mouth with his, and the shock and the joy and the pleasure soared through me as his hands left my face and trailed back down my neck, one cradling my head, the other slipping down across my stomach and up under my shirt. I broke away, gasping, fighting the urge to laugh uncontrollably, and threw my arms around him, burying my nose in his shoulder, finding his neck with my mouth and kissing it again and again, clinging to him desperately as his hands found their way everywhere, running along my back, stroking my chest, pulling my hair loose…

"Wait…wait Tohru…"

It's the sound of my name that pulls me out of this unnatural feeling of being alive. I don't know what happened in this past moment, but I don't want it to stop…ever…

"Now I know how it feels like to be yours . . . why did I have to like it?"

I look at him and it hits me. This kiss was way out of road. We gave in and I think he knew we would, that's why he was so scared of it before it even happened.

I ran away, I needed to hide and think about it…I needed to get away from this unreal insanity.

_A/N: Want me to continue? Just let me know…R&R_

_Stay gorgeous_

_nav_


	2. Troubles with love are…

A/N: Heeeeey! waves enthusiastically I just wanted to thanked all of you who reviewed the first chapter. I was so happy. The reviews are the only thing I write for so I would be sooo happy to see some more.

I'm updating chapters every Sunday, but since I have holidays atm, I had time to write a second one a bit faster…

**Misunderstood-tomboy:** hey! Thanks for reviewing my story, and don't worry :D I'll continue. I publish new chapters every Sunday just so you know. Hope to see ya soon.

**Mcblueangel: **hello! Well thought so too, so I don't think you will mind their little affair.

**Pocky-Pocky-chan:** doges all sharp objects sorry, no blush it's Kyo/Tohru… but I don't know how it ends yet so I'm not making any final promises.

**Chrashx: **Thank you, I'll continue.

**Panda4life: ** I will, see ya

**I Luv Takuto: **Jup this is definitely one… I want to thank you for reviewing this sorry first…I'll dedicate next chapter to you. I hope you'll like it.

**turtlelover523**Please don't, I won't be able to continue my story. Anyway I appreciate your enthusiasm and I'm hoping you'll like this chapter.

You know the drill

I don't own anything; I just like to play with the characters

I desperately need a beta reader...

I'm sorry for grammar mistakes; I'm doing the best I can

**Troubles with love are…**

Sometimes when I wake up and remember that my life isn't a play, I don't know anything better to say, except, you stupid, stupid, stupid…

_Just one kiss and I won't tell Yuk_i, how lame is that? I could just ask him _hey Kyo would you like to have an affair with me?_

Kill me and let me die in piece.

It's so damn horrible it almost seems funny … in a way. How can I look into Yuki's eyes and act like nothing happened, when all I can think about are those velvet lips and the feeling of doing something right.

I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't noticed Hatori walking in.

"Hello Tohru."

It's nice to know the friendlier side of him, and since Akito's death I can see it more often. Sometimes I don't know how the Sohma family really felt when he died. I mean he was cruel and mean, but it wasn't entirely his fault.

"Hey Hatori!" I smiled at him, "what are you doing here and are you staying for lunch, I'm making rice balls and sushi"

"Well if you don't mind, I would like that very much," he says in almost cheerful tone, "and I hope you don't mind me stealing your boyfriend for a while, I really needed him to talk to the elders. You know he's the best for the job, and I couldn't send Kyo, knowing how he despises our family. Speaking of Kyo…when did he come back? I didn't notice him this morning?"

"Well…I…I mean he… we…he was in his room. I think he came back last night, but he didn't want to wake us up so he went in through his window. You know the way he is."

Why? Why in a god's name must I always babble? I'm twenty years old and I think it's time for me to overgrow this stupid…

"How are things going on here? I see that you're not up to much. Anyway… I need to talk to Shigure." He said the last part of the sentence very quickly, like he was afraid that the sound of Shigure's name would, I don't know…it was just weird.

"You need to speak to me Hatori? About what? I think we said it last week."

"Shigure please, don't be so difficult about it. Can't you give me five minutes to explain, I think that's more than fair? And besides, if it doesn't makes a difference I'll leave, I…"

"Ok, guys, I'll just let you alone, and if anyone needs me I'm in the kitchen."

"Sure Tohru!"

I don't know what those two are up to but I would like to know. I haven't seen much Shigure lately, that's true, but I just thought he needed to work on his book.

I am making lunch. Nothing too complicated, since my brain can't work anyway. I don't know how I managed to put the rice into cooker, but for making eatable rice balls I need ham, cheese…

I reach for the frigate's knob when my hand bumps into something. I was too lost in my thoughts to see that Kyo came to the kitchen.

I don't know when happened, but I never felt so nervous when Kyo was near before. I never felt the bubble inside my stomach every time he touched me.

"Sorry…"

I look into his eyes, and started to wonder how the hell we ended like this. Feeling so deserted, wondering if someone will be able to help us. I know that someday everything will fall into its place; it's what my mom always said too, but I can't wait for someday, it's too long.

"It's alright" he answers with monotone voice. I don't know how he managed to build walls so strong he can't feel anything even when looking at me.

"Kyo why are you doing this to me?" I ask him without looking at him

"What the hell are you talking about? You're asking me what I'm doing, while you're locking yourself into kitchen."

He's angry and I can understand that, I would be too if someone was playing with my emotions.

"Have you even talked to Yuki today? Where's the rat anyway, I haven't seen him…"

"He's having some business with the Sohma family and he'll be away for another two days."

"oh?"

"Yes, now if you don't mind, I would like to serve a lunch."

"And you think that I can forget that," I hear Shigure yelling at someone, "you think you can come to me, talk to me about it and everything will fall into its place? You can't expect that from me Hatori, I'm human too and if you can't treat me like one that I suggest you leave now!!"

"Shigure please calm down, I said I was sorry and that I made a mistake. I would do anything to undo it, but I can't. Shigure I can't…"

"I'm not blaming you for saying that, I'm angry with you because you won't allow yourself to forget her. I don't think I can compete with her, and honestly, I don't want to…but if you can't accept that, I'm sorry…"

I look at Kyo, that's standing right besides me. He's listening to the conversation too and seems even more shocked.

He gives me confused look and mouths: "What are they on about?"

"I don't know," I whisper, "I really don't"

I walk to the kitchen with Kyo right behind me, following me. I'm ready to say something when I hear fast footsteps coming right into the kitchen. I don't want to deal with pissed of Hatori of Shigure at the moment.

I push myself and Kyo into the corner. Shigure took a beer out of fridge and went out.

Anyway, that all became background when I realized that I'm squeezed in a corner with Kyo. I was so close I could hear his heartbeat and a moment later I find myself starring into his brown eyes.

He grabs my bare wrist and, very slowly, he pushes my arm down, bringing himself nearer to me. I can feel my will to resist grow weaker and weaker as he grows closer. When he stops, our faces are inches apart and I am barely an inch from melting into mush in his hands.

He puts his hand on my cheek and closes the gap between our lips. A shiver runs through me as my last shred of opposition crumbles and I fall victim to his bittersweet attraction.

"Kyo I need you" was I whispering while he was trailing kisses down my neck and throat

"No you don't, Tohru…I know I'm just a play toy for you and I don't care as long you're giving me just a small piece of you"

He looks at my eyes and I see him falling into depths, loosing and leaving his life behind him.

"Kyo I don't, you know I don't love you, and I know you know we will never be able to have a normal relationship, but as long as you're satisfied with this, I'm too. Nothing is wrong as long as you know the fact that someday…"

"Tohru…you talk too much"

He kissed me hungrily again and I forget everything except for the fact how kissable his lips where. I felt his hand everywhere, touching my skin… I don't know how he manages it, but he kisses that spot on my neck so I arch his body even closer to him.

I kiss his swollen lips again and nibble his bottom lip. He moans and another shiver runs through me

"Damn you Kyo, you don't know what you are doing to me."

A/N: R&R and you get a cyber cookie.


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